Almost a month ago, I have this obsession to find out about my grandparents and their parents and parents and parents... and of course..basically the whole family tree. I was brought up in Seremban. Since I was three months old, my paternal grandma(nenek) has been staying with us. I have never known that she actually has a house back in kampung until the last year she stayed with us. At the time, I was only around 11 years old.
Looking back, it was hard for all of us. My mum was a teacher. Luckily the school was right in front of the house. I went to the same school. My mum has been teaching in the afternoon session so that when my brother and I got back from school we can have our lunch and take over taking care of our grandma. It has been a routine since I was really small. Even when I was in the kindergarten. When I am back from school, I will start to teach my nenek songs that I learned in the kindergarten(such as Ba...ba... black sheep). And nenek, will just follow. (Like she cares what I am trying to teach her). It is more of having someone to accompany each other. It goes on and on. As I grow up, I do my homework in nenek's room or near the balcony where she used to hang. One thing, because I was such a coward that I can't be alone. I'd rather be with my nenek. All evening, while I was doing my homework, nenek will start to tell me stories of her parents, her husband and her family. She will explain about all her 13 children. But, me being a kid, couldn't care less. I just listen to make her happy.
Nenek need to be assist to walk when I was 10 years old. Before that, she was able to walk on her own. She was getting older. Some of my friends recall helping me to assist my grandma to go to the toilet. So was my brother's friends (I'm pretty sure they remember that). They helped us a lot. I am not sure if we were able to cope without their help. Especially me. Sometimes, my brother had to go to shcool in the evening. So, I'll be with nenek all alone. I don't have a choice but to help her in whatever I can.
She used to tell me that her daughter just drive pass the house. At the time, I did not know that nenek has other daughters except for my auntie in Subang Jaya. She used to come and visit nenek. She stayed for a few days and left. I remember seeing nenek cry whenever she left. I believe no one saw that. Because nenek is good in keeping her feelings to herself. That is far as I know or I was just too young to know about my nenek's feelings. About her other daughter, she tried many times explaining to me who she was. But being a kid.... again, I did not bother to know.
She also told me about her husband, which is my grandpa (atuk). I can't remember much on what she told me. Little bit here and there. But I do remember the way her eyes shines whenever she talks about him. She was really proud of him. I never had the opportunity to meet him as he died when my father was only 7 years old. The thing is, I heard people said that my nenek and atuk do not have a good realationship. But I was not able to see that as nenek told me stories of atuk. I could only see how much nenek loved her husband. That was one of things I remember. She also said that my atuk is a very handsome man. I saw his picture and I agree with her.
There are times, I was rude to nenek. My mum will be so upset with me. But nenek was the one to said that I was good. She pujuk me. Well, at that point I just told my mum "Nenek tak marah pun". But now, I really regret for what I did. I was rude.
The last week of her life, she was bed ridden. She has been that way for four months. At the time, I was 12 years old. At that moment, we keep on reminding her to 'mengucap'. My father and also my cousin on my mum's side was also there. Mak Ngah (my uncle's wife) and her siblings were there too. I prayed so hard that when she died, she died easily. I saw when she took one deep breath and let go for the last time. I don't think I will ever forget that.
