Sunday, May 13, 2018

It's broken

It is broken
It needs healing
It has to go somewhere
But it is not
It stays
To get broken again?
Which part is still in tact
To get broken again
I don't think there is any
But maybe...just maybe
You want to break
Even the small pieces
So that. ..
No fixing it
No glue can put it back
Is it?
Or because i am just
Has no value to you
So it is okay..
To break break break
It is just my heart.

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Umrah.. My umrah..the earlier journey.

I was not happy when i found out that my husband has booked me and my family to do umrah this school holiday. I have been one of those people that has been dreaming of doing hajj first as that is the rukun in Islam. However, my hubs chose to ignore and plan ahead and there I was, i did my umrah.

To tell you the truth, even at the airport, i was hoping that i wont be able to board the plane for any reasons. Yeah.. I did have that hope. However... It did not happened.  I went through the 8-9 hours journey to Madinah.

We arrived Madinah in the middle of the night. In the bus, while the ustaz was telling the story of prophet muhammad s.a.w i cried a bucket. I was sitting alone.. Alhamdullillah.  No one saw me crying. I could feel how hard it was for Rasullullah s.a.w.

The next morning.  Masjid Nabawi was just magnificent.  Knowing that Rasullullah was buried there, and i was there, at his masjid. Who would have thought??  I have not been one of his good umat. Very very naughty...

After breakfast, we went to Raudhah where Rasulullah s.a.w and Khalifah Abu Bakar was buried. It was a long queue. We had to seriously sabar. My two girls..when we were done we our solat sunat.. A few that we did.. They tried to sleep.

Of course.. They are still kids. I cant expect much. As we were in Raudhah.  We gave our salam.. And i told my elder daughter to do her prayers first. While i hug my younger daughter. And then she hold her younger sister while i did my prayers.  The people in there...? Were pushing each other. Step on each other, sit on each other.. Oh. What else.  It was beyond crowded on the women side.

When we werw done,  we had our little tour of Masjid Nabawi ans learned the history. For zuhur and Asar,  we managed to pray inside the Masjid. For Maghrib and Isya' i chose to pray outside. It was beautiful... To see the sun setting..  And pray pray pray.

The next day, we went around Madinah. Ww went to Masjid Kuba' and we went to Bukit Uhud. Well..  We had our first soft ice cream there and we fell in love with the ice cream. Of course. Listening to story of Rasullullah s.a.w. The war at Uhud blows our mind. How our Rasul has fought for Islam...

The third day.. I got my period..  Huhuhu!! The fun part has begun...

My girl. Went to the masjid with my hubs and my son.. And followed my sis-in-law and mum-in-law. While my little girl and I, slept through out the day. Like there was no tomorrow. I had the most luxurious rest thag i ever had. The best part is, i cant even open my eyes, even when my family were calling me or talk to me. I just sleep..sleep and sleep.

The next day.. Was our day to Makkah. As i was having my period, so..i have to niah ihram with condition. Once i am free from my period,  i will do my umrah, that is tawaf and saei. other family members did their umrah as we arrived Makkah. So..they were not in ihram for a long time like me.

To be continued... Jeng jeng jeng...

Sunday, June 26, 2016

Protecting myself

Sometimes, a smiling face tired of smiling. It is not easy to smile all the time. Smile is easy but at the same time, it is hard to do when you dont feel like smiling.

Yesterday, is one of those days that I just cant keep on smiling.

About a month ago, I bought a new wheelchair for my mum. Since that hers rosak.Brought it back to her. As I took it back.There were no manual on using it.  We were not able to figure out how to put the wheelchair on a brake. Because I have bought it for some time, I was not able to return it. Just told my parents to use however you can while I figure out what to do.

My sis called me and told me that I should not buy cheap stuff or as she said "china" stuff. She is going to buy a new one. I said go ahead. What I saw in the catalogue that was the only one that follows as what my parents wanted.

Yesterday, she brought back exactly the same as the one that I bought that is so called China made. And learned how to put the wheelchair on a brake. Weird? yup.. it is to me.

Well... what hurt me so much is, my father called me and asked me to take back the one that I bought because they want to use the one that my sis bought. Yup.. mine has no value to them, even though with much happiness explaning to me that the one that my sis bought was actually the same as what I bought. But, they prefer to use my sister's. Not mine.

This is not the first time. This is not the only story. My heart has been broken many times that it is time for me to protect my own heart now. I have enough.

Life goes on. I have to move on. Sad.. of course.. But protecting myself is more important now. I dont have the time to feel sad like this. Smiling face is on...

Monday, February 8, 2016



Over and over again you break it
Over and over again you stomp on it
Over and over again you cherish it
when you are in the mood
Over and over again you ignore it
Over and over again you lie to it
Over and over again you love it
When you feel like loving it
Over and over again, so now
It became hard
It became cold
It became lifeless
It became ignorant
It became immune
It became empty
It became care less
It is my heart