I take that as a compliment

Since I was a child. My family members love to tell me that I was fat. Even when I was not even reach 20kgs when I was 7 years old. At that time my height was around 100cm.

When I was a teenager, the same kind of remarks are like beautiful + lousy songs to my ears. Sometimes it hurts sometimes, I just couldn't be bothered. When I was sweet 16, my height was 155cm and my weight was around 38kg. Still my family just love to tell me that I was fat and look ridiculous.

I am not sure, is it because I just ignore them or because I was an easy target. I did cry a few times. (give me a break, I was a teenager) but after a while I just stop from feeling anything on what they have said.

I stop thinking and feeling or even hurt when I became an anaroxic. The year was 1997. I was in Melbourne furthering my study. Most of my friends starting to realized the problem that I was facing. And as usual, I denied everything. My mum, my eldest brother with her wife came to Melbourne when the doctor told them to come. But when they came, I was out of the hospital and the doctor were not able to talk to my mum or my brother and of course I did not give the message from the doctor to contact him. What can I say, because of the eating disorder, my brain did not get enough food, so... I just can't remember the message that I was suppose to tell them. But I did remember to run to the telephone every time it rang as I was scared that the doctor's office might call my place.

The reason why I stop feeling, thinking or even hurt when they said that I was, am or really fat is because at my condition of having an eating disorder which most of the people around me do realized my condition ( they do not need a doctor to tell them my situation), my mum and my brother told me that I was fat. huahahahahaha!!! That is when I do not bother anymore. I stopped from being an anaroxic. It was really a waste of energy and time.

Just after I gave birth to my first child, on the Hari Raya (eid'Fitri), I went to visit my aunt's family. I wasn't sure how to react or what to do. The whole time I was there, the whole family except for my aunty was keep on telling me that I was fat. FYI they also said that I was fat when I was a child. So... I really wasn't sure how to react because I thought I should feel offended, I was not. Hurt? Nope. So, I just put a smile on my face and move on with my life.

Lately, just after I gave birth to my third child, my mum keep on telling me that I was too fat already. In English it would be that I look huge. Okay... I am no longer wearing small size. Medium size depends on the brand but large, is comfy to me. At this point, my weight is around 55kg to 57kg. I am not in obese category but I was bigger than when I was pre firstpregnancy time. On my wedding day, I was 48kg. So I gain 7 kg - 10kg. The thing is... I am happy.

But do my family see all that... I don't think so. I am not sure what they really see when they look at me. I went back to my parent's place last week. I was wearing this old baggy blouse. It was given by my mum-in-law. (I am such a sucker I do wear whatever she gave me. So sue me)
Actually, it is made of cotton amd comfortable for travelling. That was the real reason I wore that blouse on that day. But as I arrived, my sister and my father was at the living room waiting for us and the first thing my father said that I look like my cousin who is staying Perak now. Her name is Masitah Harun.

I call her Kak Itah. Yup, she is a plum lady but she has the most beautiful heart in this whole world. She took care of my mum and dad when they do not have a place to stay while they were there. She cook for them and clean after them. Whatever my parents want, she will try to get for them. Anything and everything. If my dad said that I look like her... I take that as a compliment. Probably my dad and family feel that my Kak Itah is fat so she is in not so beautiful category... to me... I still take that as a compliment as I was said to look like her.